New World, Old Soul

Not even a week ago, I was talking to a friend on the phone who is dealing with an incredibly hard situation in her life. I hate seeing her hurt and I hate seeing her peace be destroyed.

In an effort to exhort, I told her that I can only think of a handful of people in the world whose opinions of me matter so much, that their approval or disapproval could change my course or deeply affect my peace. As I spoke, I wondered if I sounded arrogant or haughty. “Look how strong I am”. “You can be strong like me, too.”

Was this the message I was giving my friend?

And not even an hour later, I drove to pick up my three kids from a Vacation Bible School that we had not attended before. I was about to find out how strong I was. More on that later.

I’m the kind of gal who very much enjoyed a recent iconic WNBA moment. After Jacy Sheldon intentionally poked Caitlin Clark in the eye on a dirty defensive play, Sophie Cunningham wrapped up Jacy Sheldon in a hard foul on a wide open layup. Cunningham didn’t try to injure Sheldon, but she absolutely meant to send a message. She “enforced” justice.

My appreciation for this moment is not because I like “violence”. This moment spoke to me because I would like to think I would stand up for my friends in the same way.

Ever heard of an “enforcer” in sports? It’s typically a bigger/stronger player on the team. It’s a person who makes you think twice about committing cheap and dirty plays against smaller or weaker teammates, who may not be able to stand up for themselves in the same way a physically stronger player could.

It’s a term I’ve heard most often used in hockey and basketball.

I think in some cases, friend groups have “enforcers”, too.

Never in my life have I been undersized. “Big boned” as my Grandma Mony liked to say.

Never in my life has my voice been undersized. “A real pain in the butt”, I’m sure my 7th grade teacher would say.

I’ve oftentimes considered myself a bit of an enforcer. While this can be a noble undertaking, there may also be an element of “looking for a fight”. But even so, I think about the times in middle school or high school where a friend would call or text me and tell me something mean someone had done to them.

They called me because they knew I would want to do something about it.

Now let me be clear….. a thirst for justice is a good thing. A righteous indignation against bullying is a good thing. The strong standing up for the weak is a good thing.

But what isn’t a good thing? Feet that are quick to rush into evil, a haughty attitude (Proverbs 6). Proverbs 26 tells us: “Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own.” Pride comes before the fall. (Proverbs 16:18)

So back to my story from before…. imagine me, “the enforcer”, picking my kids up from Vacation Bible School. Quite literally the only instructions we are given for picking our kids up is “BRING THE SLIP WITH YOUR KID’S NUMBER ON IT”. They reminded us like four times.

And as I parked my car in the church parking lot that Wednesday evening, what did I realize? I forgot my entire purse at home. No slip, no ID. A 20 minute drive each way back home would put me 30 minutes late for pick up.

But this is church. This is a group of Christians who look for solutions rather than problems (right?). So I walk in, and instantly own up to my mistake. “I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot, I only had one job and I don’t have the slip with me”. And almost everyone was kind, almost everyone worked to find a solution with me that did not involve an extra 40 minutes of me driving home and back to get this dang slip of paper.

And then I get to the actual pick-up line. And because humans are imperfect, miscommunication is bound to happen. What I thought was a solved situation turned into me being publicly and mercilessly berated by a (probably) over-tired VBS volunteer.

I cannot tell you how much I did not see this coming.

And guess what I, “the enforcer”, did? I started to tear up. I desperately tried to hold the tears in. I looked around at the people nearby and hoped someone would stand up to this woman. My usually quick wit was paralyzed. My heart sped up, my cheeks flushed, and I was frozen in embarrassment and shame.

Not only was I the only parent who failed to bring the one slip of paper necessary to pick my kids up, now I was the only parent who was on the verge of tears while picking their kids up. It wasn’t long before the teardrops escaped and I quickly brushed them off my cheeks in an attempt to look sane. Very, very tough and strong person. Very capable, very well adjusted response. Surely something an “enforcer” would do….

This happened an hour after I got off the phone with my friend telling her she needed to worry less about how other people acted towards her because of course, “Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.”

I got out of there as quickly as I could and a new emotion overcame me: anger. I live in a fairly large city, and never had I ever been spoken to so disrespectfully. In a church of all places! In a church that I know is a wonderful place full of wonderful people. It caught me off guard, and I was angry.

How would I go about my revenge?

Would I send a strongly worded email to leadership in the church? Would I show up the next night without a slip again, with the perfect comeback for that mean lady? (The jerk store called, and they’re running out of you!) Would I subtly mention this situation to everyone I know in order to damage the reputation of this church?

All of these tactics occurred to me. But wisdom spoke: I just needed to sleep on it, and in the morning, I would wake up and realize I’m blowing this way out of proportion.

But the problem is… I woke up the next morning, and I was still really angry! I went over the email in my head that I would write to the church. I would come across as wanting to lovingly protect the reputation of their church, while still making sure this gal got a good, solid reprimand. This woman was a mean bully and I was going to make sure she got what she deserved.

But I like to think that wisdom spoke again: Give it time. Do not do something you will regret out of anger or a bruised ego. What would it look like if I always got what I deserved? (This sermon on Jeremiah 15 is a fantastic commentary on what Biblical “justice” really looks like.)

Instead of “enforcing” justice, the lesson here was that pride comes before the fall. As much as I wanted to be an instrument in refining that other woman’s heart, God showed me just how much mine still needs to be refined.

In today’s culture, people so often take Matthew 7 out of context. We cannot judge, they say.

But rather, we will be judged by the measure we use to judge others.

Now, was what this woman did wrong? Yes, I unequivocally believe she was out of line. She used a God-given authority to humiliate a visitor at her church. This is really, really not good.

But do you know who’s going to take care of this? Who’s going to “enforce” a consequence here? The Lord is.

And please don’t hear me say that with a tone of smug satisfaction. Because you know who else gets to continually work the pride and sin out of their heart? Me. You know who else the Lord convicted in this situation? Me. You know who else is a sinner? Me.

I dropped my kids off at a volunteer-run Vacation Bible School, and then stewed for days that we were not treated with total and utter esteem by one lady who volunteered probably 10-15 hours of time to help make the VBS go.

The harvest is plenty, and the workers are few.

I’ve joked before that when I read John 18, I can really relate to Peter. Because if you want to arrest my Savior, my gut instinct might also be to take out my sword and cut your ear clean off. Mess around and find out. I’m the enforcer, after all!

But what does the Lord do when we cut off someone else’s ear in His name? He heals it. He puts it back together. He shows us that revenge, or justice, is His. His timing, His wisdom, His purpose.

This is not to say that the role of Christians is to sit catatonically in a world ripe with injustice. This is not to say that Christians should remain silent when sin flourishes. This is not to say that Christians should not fight back against evil.

What I’m saying is: Christians should be careful about taking joy in other people “getting what they deserve”. Because the Lord not only doesn’t give Christians what we deserve (Romans 6:23), he gives us what we don’t deserve (Romans 6:23).

Christians should hope earnestly that instead of all these other folks “getting what they deserve”, that they, too, may have faith in Jesus Christ and turn from their sin and follow Him and receive mercy.

And as much as we love a good superhero story, where someone enforces justice against an evil foe, it is only Jesus who has ever truly saved the world.

I once cried to my husband about this “enforcer” role that I have taken upon myself without being asked. I cried, “I don’t mind standing up for my friends, but it makes me feel horrible inside when no one stands up for me.”

And then, it all clicks. God is my “enforcer”.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He is with me. His rod and His staff, they comfort me. He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies. He anoints my head with oil and my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (Psalm 23)

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I’ve been out here for 33 years wishing I had an enforcer, all the while missing the point that God had me in the palm of His hand. I’ve been out here trying to enforce while missing the point that the Lord doesn’t need me running around with a gavel and a sword.

How patient our Lord is. While we, as sheep, wander aimlessly, He guides us lovingly to safety. While we, as sheep, stumble unknowingly towards danger, He protects us. No matter how many times we miss the point, He patiently gives us another opportunity to trust and obey.

The greatest (and only) “Enforcer” who ever existed is our Creator. I regret ever attempting to hold the same title.

“If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31